Lighter side of new mortgage rules

Editor’s Note: We’ve known Charles “Chuck” Lewis through a couple of decades of covering bank compliance. He’s probably one of the funniest bankers we’ve ever met, and when someone does, teaches, and now consults in compliance for a living, that’s a heckuva sense of humor.

Chuck has always amazed because he’s not only a wit, but actually understands the technicalities he talks about. Over the years Chuck has become famous at ABA Regulatory Compliance Conferences and other compliance-oriented meetings of the association for his inimitable “Top 10” or “10 Reasons” or “10 things” lists.

As the industry breathed a sigh of relief leading up to the deadline for the new mortgage regime of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, we asked Chuck if he wouldn’t put together a special “10” for beleaguered bankers in need of comic relief. Here’s what he sent. Thanks Chuck!

            Steve Cocheo, executive editor and digital content manager

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By Chuck Lewis, CRCM, vice-president, compliance services, Missouri Bankers Association

As a compliance officer, the top 10 “things” that may indicate you’ve become too absorbed with all the recent mortgage changes:

1. You notice when you meet anyone whose initials are QM, you immediately wonder what his/her debt-to-income is.

2. During a church meeting, when asked to list the seven deadly sins, you respond with:  income, employment, mortgage obligations . . .

3. When watching the final scene in “It’s A Wonderful Life” during the Christmas season, your thoughts were—“How is Jimmy Stewart going to be able to verify all that income?!?!”

4. You recommend adding to the bank’s Welcome letter to all new customers the following: 

“Remember, if you have an adjustable rate mortgage with us, the interest rate will change in about 360 days.”

5. No matter what item you purchase, you always divide the price by 12 to see what it would cost by escrowing.

6. You instinctively start screaming—“No, no, no!!!”—when your child tells you he/she is only 6.5 percentage points away from being in a higher grade level.

7. You realize the best example to give to your staff when training about the new Homeownership Counseling List is to compare it to making a routine trip to the doctor—and the doctor’s office is giving out a list of local funeral homes.

8. You can’t watch AMC’s “The Walking Dead” without noticing how many of the zombies have the same facial expressions as customers leaving your mortgage loan department.

9. The same dream happens night after night—you find a survey that indicates all but two employees of the CFPB rent instead of own a home.

and finally. . .

10. You finally propose to your significant other by proclaiming, on bended knee:

“Please understand, with this proposal comes the right to offer future exemptions, along with possible clarifications. A readiness guide will explain my true feelings, but it should not be viewed by itself without first reading the original proposal version which may or may not be finalized by the date of the initial proposal acceptance, which if not, then the interim proposal will still stand, unless prior approval . . .. . . ”